Thursday, January 24, 2008

I refuse you, Ad.

I hate ads, but if it is a niecely pieced together work of art, I can give respect. I may EVEN give it some consideration. "Well, clearly you were written by an intelligent marketer. I am tempted to click you."

What really burns my ass is an advertisement that is thrown together in about forty five seconds, give or take forty seconds. I found a nice example today:


So we have a butterface chick lazing on the floor with her barefeet in the air. Obviously, she's just too busy to go to a real college because she wants to lay there and watch porn all day. Fine. I guess I can understand the relevance. I won't go crazy on this.

However, the grammar is just baffling. It's not "can't quit YOUR job," but "can't quit job?"

Want go college, job no quit? Need pretend smart, no leave Arbys? Maybe impress girl, make parents cry? Buy fake degree, still work Arbys? I could go on.

Every time I look back at it, I can just hear Dong from Sixteen Candles reciting it.

Maybe I should look for a job in this field. At least I can write full sentences.

Want write ad, no have experience? Not problem!

Friday, January 18, 2008

Windows Media Player - bottle of whiskey not included.

My boyfriend is currently in San Antonio building a dark ride. Yeah, we've all done that once or twice in our lives. But anyhoo, I'm feeling a little down about not seeing him for a week now (and a week to come), so I decide to screw around online a bit and listen to some tunes to cheer me up.

So, I click open my music player and I experience the worst selection offered to a sad girl. to make this entry more interesting, let's say I'm actually conversing with said player.

Toni: Hey, MP. WHat's shakin?

MP: ah, not too much. I've got this itch that's been killin me, and my wife's a fuckin joke, lemme tell ya -

Toni: Ah, not today, man. No offense or nothing, but I need a good pick me up. Whatcha got for me on shuffle today?

MP: Oh, I got just the thing.

Toni: ....Woah, wait. what the fuck, dude?

MP: WHat?

Toni: Come on. I need to cheer up. You put on "Wave Goodbye?" What kind of shit is that? In fact, I told Steve I would avoid Chris Cornell music while he was gone. not cool, man.

MP: Shit, sorry. Okay, got somethin else for ya. Gaurunteed smiles with this one.

Toni: Oh dude. No.

MP: ...dude, are you crying?

Toni: NO! I, what the fuck? Did you really just give me Portishead?

MP: love Portishead.

Toni: yeah, but my boyfriend is thousands of miles away and you tell me Portishead's "Wandering Star" is going to cheer me up? This is bullshit. I'm turning you off now...

MP: No! Give me one more chance! I've got the sure thing to blow so much sunshine up your ass you'll be smiling on your way to a funeral.

Toni:....That's....that's terrible. But whatever, just play it.

Toni: *bust out sobbing* you fuckin asshole.

MP: WHAT?! Are you ever satisfied? does Steve put up with you?

Toni: Have you even listened to these songs?!


Toni:....what? your a fucking media player.

MP: ...I'm deaf.

Toni: .....oh. I'm sorry, dude.

MP: No, it's fine....*sigh* too late for apologies now...

Toni: No, dude. I didn't know. I just assumed that media players could..ya know, hear the shit they play.

MP: If you ever talked to me once in awhile and asked me about my problems. It's always about you. Blah blah blah, I miss Steve, play something nice. Blah blah blah, my period cramps hurt, play Nine Inch Nails. Blah blah, I'm in a freaky mood, play Tom Jones...

Toni: Oh, one time! One time I ask you to play "Sex Bomb!"

....okay, so maybe that arguement didn't happen. and the Tom Jones. and the whole conversation. But my media player did play those songs and it proved to be the most inconsiderate asshole in the world.

So, the moral of the story is I miss Steve and can't listen to sad music. I take a small bow.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

The Real Poughkeepsie Tapes

I'm back with a silly video I made. Isn't that the best gift of all?

I present to you The Real Poughkeepsie Tapes. I show you what Poughkeepsie is really all about.

Watch after the credits for a special bonus clip.

Friday, January 4, 2008

I come bearing nothing.

Sorry for the lack of posts. I just haven't been funny these past few days. I'll be back on track in a bit. In the meantime, enjoy the company of my friend and his little buddy: Shy Cop.