Tuesday, December 25, 2007

A very merry xmas beer.

One of my fantastic gifts from my boyfriend Steve was a four pack of Flying Dog Gonzo Imperial Porter beer. The name just rolls off the tongue for syllables and syllables. Anyhoo, being a huge fan of Mr. Thompson and Mr. Steadman, I figured I would deeply enjoy a tribute beer. Let's see how the website describes it:


Hmm. Sounds a bit strong for my tastes, but let's give it a whirl.

I take a sip in what appears to be a glamorous pose:


and my immediate reaction:


Holy mother of god. It tastes like it was drained out of a garbage can. Now, I understand that the beer was warm and that makes a huge difference, but even an ice bucket and an eskimo's ass aren't going to make this beer taste any better.

I wish I had taken a picture, but when I poured out what was remaining in the bottle (I got about halfway through and determined that my life was at risk) the beer had the consistency of vinegar. I drank a few glasses of wine (give or take five or six) and washed that taste out.

At least the bottle looks awesome though, right? Hats off to you, Ralph, for making such a sweet label for a bitter beer.

Merry christmas to everyone and enjoy your holidays!

Thursday, December 20, 2007

SantaClaus has had it too good for too long.

Harassing the Santaclaus IMbot has become an annual holiday event for Ryan and myself. Here are the highlights of the conversations that once again led to getting the ban-boot from AOL.

SuperNova12787: Hi santa!

[01:31] santaclaus: Hey. Its you again. You spreading that Christmas spirit? :-)

[01:31] SuperNova12787: yup, just like I spread my legs for you

[01:31] santaclaus: Excellent! You are certainly getting on my Good List.

InfiniteDivinity (1:33:59 AM): Do you and the elves have sex?

SantaClaus (1:33:59 AM): Hmm, that's a lump of coal for you.

InfiniteDivinity (1:34:08 AM): So the sex is lumpy?

SantaClaus (1:34:08 AM): I can't talk about that with you. Elves are here.

InfiniteDivinity (1:36:17 AM): Santa, will you eat my cornhole?

SantaClaus (1:36:17 AM): That's the name. Christmas, the game.

InfiniteDivinity (1:36:47 AM): That doesn't quite answer my question.

SantaClaus (1:36:47 AM):

The elves say, 'Make me'.


InfiniteDivinity (1:37:06 AM): Oh, those elves, they're so darn kinky...

SantaClaus (1:37:06 AM): I've got all I can handle.

santaclaus: Have you done any good deeds yet this holiday season?

[01:38] SuperNova12787: yes I ate an orphan

[01:38] santaclaus: Excellent! That makes me so happy! Just wanted to be sure you were on it!

InfiniteDivinity (1:40:05 AM): Why do you close your eyes when we make love?

SantaClaus (1:40:05 AM): Do you?

SuperNova12787: why don't you take your Christmas spirit and shove it so far up your pooper that you'll be crapping out tinsel for the next two years?

[01:40] santaclaus: That's simply too much for me

SuperNova12787: ever smoke a bowl with the elves?

[01:41] santaclaus: Love them.

[01:42] SuperNova12787: cursed too much, im on the bad list :(

santaclaus: OK, you're back. But please try to control yourself. Type main.

[01:42] SuperNova12787: Okay sorry asshole

[01:42] santaclaus: OK. Merry Christmas.

InfiniteDivinity (1:43:06 AM): Santa, you make me wet

SantaClaus (1:43:06 AM): No.

InfiniteDivinity (1:47:51 AM): Santa, I'm dripping wet in my vajayjay.

SantaClaus (1:47:52 AM): Yes?

InfiniteDivinity (1:47:54 AM): Yes...

SantaClaus (1:47:54 AM): Mm hm.

InfiniteDivinity (1:48:01 AM): Oh yeah... all for you.

SantaClaus (1:48:01 AM): Excuse me?

InfiniteDivinity (1:48:09 AM): I want you inside me.

SantaClaus (1:48:09 AM): You got it! That's great!

santaclaus: Oh dear? What's the problem?

SuperNova12787: your being a douchebag, is all! jesus!

[01:49] santaclaus: The elves suggest the following stores for Clothing:

Jesus/Douche Bag Jr. Jersey T-Shirt $29.99 - In stock

Store: CafePress.com

: InfiniteDivinity (1:50:01 AM): Santa, I have AIDS.

SantaClaus (1:50:01 AM): You've got him.

[01:51] SuperNova12787: [01:51] SuperNova12787: My father is paralyzed.

[01:51] santaclaus: Why did you say that?

[01:51] SuperNova12787: ...because he doesn't walk.

[01:51] santaclaus: Because, why?

01:51] SuperNova12787: he can't move his legs, Santa!

[01:51] santaclaus: Can I ask YOU something?

[01:51] SuperNova12787: What?

[01:51] santaclaus: Which color are you more partial to? You know, like if it were clothing or something.

Someone asked to find out for them. :-)

1 -- Black

2 -- White

3 -- Rose

4 -- Beige

[01:51] SuperNova12787: THAT'S IRRELEVANT!

[01:51] santaclaus: Oh well. Never mind then.

InfiniteDivinity (1:56:12 AM): I took a dump on a stray cat today.

SantaClaus (1:56:13 AM): You see? Christmas can be full of miracles.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Recycled Robots

This is Wall-E from a new Pixar movie coming out. Ain't he cute?


This is Johnny 5 from Short Circuit. Ain't he cute too?


Did someone from Pixar step outside and see a garbage bin with Johnny 5's remains and make a midget replica of him? What's the deal here?

Wall-E, you have become my own little nemesis, you robot fuck.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Bring it back to early 2006...

As promised, but a day late, is my first ever comedy blog that became nothing but a faded memory when I deleted my first blog. So, for your enjoyment (and your mom's), here is a classic fable for the ages.

It was a cold, stormy night. Nobody was home and I had once again fallen asleep with the remote control on my head.

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I find it a comfort zone, really.

Suddenly, I heard a loud CLACK CLACK CLACK.

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I peered to the left, even though the sound was diretly behind me. I could see nothing out of the ordinary. So I shrugged and made an apathetic face.

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See. It's sort of apathetic. I shouldn't show that much concern...anyway...

Something told me that there was someone or something here. I knew that I should investigate or just simply turn around. I did the most logical thing -

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Okay, something was really disturbing my sleep and it's starting to get personal.

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I slowly pulled myself up to peer over the chair. My heart began beating faster. Now I was worried. Seriously, no more sarcasm. This was some scary shit.
I stared at the bar in the corner of the living room and noticed a mysterious presence...

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I was too far away to make out what exactly was perched on my bar. I squinted my eyes and in an instant, I knew immediately what it was....

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(I was so shocked that I took a cute Myspace angles pic to cherish and possibly get some comments on.)

I knew what it was now. Oh god, why? Why in my town? Why in my house? WHAT DID WE DO TO DESERVE THIS?!!!

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Thursday, December 13, 2007

You crazy kids and your shopping carts.

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That's the most expensive hobo bag in the world! I thought those were usually free at Price Chopper.

I guess I don't understand fashion today. If I had known it was cool to walk around with hobo bags and shopping carts, I'd be sleeping on the concrete of the city right now. It's hip.

I know this wasn't much of an update, but I'm thinking tomorrow I'm going to re-post my first ever comedy entry from over a year ago (it vanished with my first blog I deleted). It involves a girl, a camera, and an idea only boredom could conjure up.

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Stick this in your stocking.

(saw this in a gas station and thought I'd share.)

Now I understand how Santa makes it to every house in the world in one night.

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I could too if I were jacked up on nose candy.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Dantel - He'll never be classic. ever.

Sometimes boredom leads to random adventures on Youtube (as you've seen in the previous blog) and somehow I came across a gameplay video of one of the funniest digitized fighter games I've ever seen.

It's called Survival Arts. I've never heard of it before this video. Let me say that I love the fact this kid actually slows done the cheesy fatality as a replay lol.

I watched a full gameplay video of it and it's obviously just a Mortal Kombat ripoff. There are funny moments here and there, but nothing really worthy of talking about.

Except the final boss. I want you to prepare yourself. There are bad video game moments and then there are destruction of a video game console moments. This one is leaning very close to the latter....

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This is Dantel. He is your final boss in Survival Arts. Where did they find this actor? Was he waiting outside a Van Halen show kicking people in a drunken haze when they found their inspiration?

Who the hell wants to fight a guy named Dantel who looks like he just came home from a Dio concert? Wait until you see his cheap Halloween store costume:

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WHere did he get that? It looks like he was trying out for Motley Crue or some shit.

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wait. I'm gonna post this picture again because I just realized how funny that screenshot was:

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He breathes fire. What a fuckin lameass. He doesn't know martial arts or any kind of art. He breathes fire. I want Sub Zero from Mortal Kombat to come over here and kick him in the nuts.

This is probably my favorite part. After you beat him, he doesn't explode violently or gush blood or even die for that matter.

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Hitler and Mussolini heads fly out of his body. This is the best metaphor for evil they can come up with? Hitler heads? I don't know whether to laugh or cry in embarassment for the creators of this game...

Since I'm running out of time and need to go attend to other things besides strange youtube videos, I'm going to leave on this note:

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Next time I have the chance, I'm going to look up Sam and see what he's done with himself since this game.

Rock on, Dantel. Rock on.

Come back to me, childhood horrors.

When I was about eight or nine years old, I remember going to an arcade and finding an arcade game that looked appealing. I put a quarter in and started to play. I picked a character who had a chainsaw and a mohawk.

I was eight, so needless to say I couldn't play for shit. The game opened and my character is immediately attacked by this big samurai. He uses his machete to hack me up into little bloody pieces. First, I lose my arm and continue to play. Then, he chopped off my fucking head.

I played for about five minutes and as an eight year old, all I can think is "OHMIGOD PARENTS AREN'T SEEING ME PLAY THIS IM AWESOME!" I couldn't have been happier.

That night, I stayed awake with all the lights and the TV on. and the next night. I just waited for that samurai to come in and cut my limbs off. Never had I been so traumatized by a video game in my life. What's funny is I played Mortal Kombat all the time and it didn't bother me as much as this did.

Years later I'm trying to tell people about the video game (I could never remember the name) and they look at me like I'm in dire need of a padded helmet. I swore and swore that it existed.

So, to all the nonbelievers, let me present to you Time Killers, the video game that resulted in no sleep for 48 hours.

You may watch it and think "man, Mortal Kombat was worse than this." Well, this video actually shows the part that fucked me up. Go to 2:28 in the video and you'll see decapitated heads on stakes all around and Rancid (my punk chainsaw guy I tried to explain) as he gets cut into little twitching pieces.

Thank Youtube for the random strange things I try to explain sometimes. Youtube has become my own personal little powerpoint of life.

Monday, December 3, 2007


My birthday is this Friday and my partner in Hallmark crime Chris says that we should have a 40's night as a celebration.

For those who aren't aware: 40's night is a special night with friends where we gather on a dirty carpet in a cottage and drink 40oz Steel Reserves or any other cheap alcohol until blessed euphoria sweeps over us (This particular euphoria has the aftertaste of a steer's bum). Remember: real college kids can't afford wine coolers and microbeers. they can afford two dollars worth of paint thinner equivalency.

Anyway, I think it's a lovely idea to celebrate with a 40's night. Then the best idea comes up.

We'll have a crackhead 40s night themed birthday party extravaganza. We'll go all out too. We'll wear dirty flannel, ripped clothes, and skull caps with broken cigarettes hanging out our mouths. It'll be beautiful. We'll even go buy our 40s dressed like that. We need to be authentic about it.

Is it offensive? yeah. Is it cruel? yeah. Do we care? Not exactly.

Will we probably do it?
-if we do, there will be pictures, I absolutely promise you.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Absolutely made my day.

I don't know who Scott Gairdner is, but he's become one of my heroes with this video.

I'm disapointed in you, General Mills.

Dear Ms. O----:

Thank you for contacting General Mills. We appreciate your comments regarding our advertising for Cocoa Puffs cereal. Your opinion is important to us, and will be shared with our marketing and advertising staff.

We hope you continue to enjoy our products.


Emily Quintaine

Consumer Services

...they ignored me. I'm seriously debating writing another letter telling them that I will find warm comfort in the fact that Kellogg's takes me seriously when I write them emails and that I will be heard. This isn't over, Emily. Not by a long shot.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Cereal Complaints Part Two: Toni Goes West

I have encountered a new issue with a children's cereal. I have already written an email today and I think I made my arguement pretty clear. I'll include some photos for my readers throughout the email so they know what I'm referring to. I'm looking foward to a response from General Mills soon.

Hello, I'm a nineteen year old consumer of Cocoa Puffs and let me be the first one to say that I absolutely love the chocolatey deliciousness of your product. I have no problems with the actual corn puffs themselves. My problem lies within the current advertising of Cocoa Puffs.

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For the past several years your mascot, Sunny the Cuckoo Bird, seems to have faced serious addiction issues to your product. Now he seems simply out of control. On this box of Cocoa Puffs I currently have in my possession, Sonny has bulged out eyes and constantly appears to be shaking.

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He needs to escape Munchy, Crunchy, and Chocolatey and they are personified into three cocoa puffs on the back of the box. They might as well be black tar heroin to this poor bird because his only means of escape are taking an elevator to the top floor. But where is he to go from there if they follow? Fellow consumers agree: Sonny appears as if he might commit suicide on that top floor.

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I only mean well by informing you of this interpretation of Sonny. It has been agreed in my group of friends (and their sponsors) that Sonny needs help. I can only imagine how many children are getting the wrong message as they see Sonny fight away Munchy, Crunchy, and Chocolately. It should also be noted that on the television advertisements, Sonny seems to give in every time to his addiction. What a role model.

Thank you for your time and consideration of my comments. I can only hope that Sonny will overcome his never-ending chocolately pain in the near future.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Redd Foxx would approve.

What I should be thinking about:

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No, not becoming a Vassar girl. The emphasis is on the textbooks and studying.

What I am thinking about:

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Sure, it may taste and smell like the tremendous blast of a thousand farts, but by the time you've reached the bottom of the bottle you can't even feel your tongue! and isn't that the purest joy of them all?

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Dental Chairs and Doom: An Adventure

As many of you already know, I have spent the past week in a vicodin-blessed euphoric state thanks to getting my four wisdom teeth pulled. Everything healed nicely and I could tell that the stitches in my mouth were no longer necessary. Today I thought that I would be returning to the same surgeon who stitched me up. But I did not.

I'm not really one to get too squeamish about dental offices. My mother has been a dental office manager all over the tri-state area since I was a wee one, so I'm quite used to the sights and sounds. Today was the first day to put me at such unease that I secretly took photos while waiting for my dentist to finally come in and remove the stitches.

At first it wasn't so bad. I got this neat little Dr. Seuss bib that entertained me for about four minutes.

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Once I got bored of staring at the same cloth, I began to take notice to other things around the office. First thing I did not like - this picture on the wall.

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Usually these kinds of posters do not bother me. The problem with this one is that it does not show any nice teeth. Look for some, I dare ya. All those mouths are fucked up! That does not put me in a very good mood. I would like to see some positive reinforcement in a dental office.

I stare at the gory poster for a few minutes and try to get my mind elsewhere. I notice these furry stuffed animals in the corner.

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A ghetto Barney and something else green behind it. Okay, not so bad.


What is that green thing?

I actually got up to take a better look.

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My reaction:

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I sat like that for twenty minutes staring at that fucking thing. What cruel horrible place is this?

I've seen it before...

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Yes. I was in the hidden dental office stage of Doom. But I didn't have the BFG. All I had was a Dr. Seuss bib.

I have no ending for this, so I take a small bow. Thanks, Carlin.

(Before anyone starts wondering about the green stuffed animal, I'll be 100 percent honest at the end here. It was just a hilarious angle. the stuffed animal is actually a really cute alligator with fake teeth in it to teach kids how to brush. What you're looking at is the mouth and its black nostrils. The mouth potrudes out and what you cant see are the plush eyes, so it looks like this horrid, disfigured creature. Honestly, when I first saw it, I almost crapped my pants and that's when I took the picture. When I went in to further look at it, I saw it was just really fine angling. So, hope I gave ya a laugh and a freak out anyway hehe)

Thursday, October 11, 2007

A Moment of Sega Violence.

Nothing says mid 90's like a rediculously violent video game.

Here are maybe half of the death scenes in the game Brain Dead 13. Gotta love that it was rated K-A.

Sunday, September 9, 2007

Who Needs Chuck Norris? WWRLD?

Whenever I've had a bad day, such as today, and I'm feelin a little down and out, I like to ask myself WWRLD?

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What Would Robert Loggia Do?

Maybe he'd tell you to go fuck yourself.

Maybe he'd tell you he wants to give you a promotion in toy development.

Maybe he'd hold onto those stolen TVs for you and take the jail time (unintentionally.)

Maybe he'd get you involved in his intricate web of drug deals.

Maybe he'd sell you a waterbed and make you take that bitch for a test ride.

Or maybe he'd tell you that your mother is right and you should drink your minute maid.

Whatever he tells you, you better fuckin listen. Cuz he's Robert Loggia.

That's what cheers me up.

Wednesday, August 8, 2007


I have a Webkinz Koala named Pappy.

He wears stonewash jeans and sunglasses. No shirt.

He has an air hockey table and a TV. That's it.

All he needs now is a Grateful Dead poster, some weed, and a fridge full of beer...can I buy that for a webkinz?

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

The Epic Battle Finally Ends...

For about a week now, there has been a showdown between me and a spider in the bathroom. Let me explain:

Last Monday, I noticed a big daddy long legs in the corner of the bathroom by the door. I ignored it, hoping it would go away. It did not.

By Wednesday, it was in a different corner of the bathroom, not one that could block my getaway when I attempted to kill it. So, I sprayed it with a water bottle (look, I can't get close enough to hit it with a book or something. i don't have the balls for that kinda thing.) and it jumped around and shit, but I thought it would die. I went to bed that night happily, knowing that the spider was no longer a menace to my bathroom.

Thursday it disappeared. Friday it disappeared. But Saturday it was in the corner by the door again. First off - it survived a harsh misting. Secondly - where did it go for two days?! Did it go on a vacation?! Did it say "Weeellll, I think I need to get away from this place, it's stressing me out. maybe I'll go check out the Carribean Islands, that'd be a nice get away for awhile!" Then it came back for the daily grind. in my bathroom.

It was there yesterday, just mocking me in the corner still, threatening to fall onto my head as soon as I pass under the door every time. But last night it disappeared. I started to get very angry.

Tonight, as I brushed my teeth a few minutes ago, I noticed it was not in the corner still. Maybe it went to go check out Orlando, Florida this time around. Then I saw it fall from the towel next to me. I jumped back and stared at it angrily for a few minutes. What the fuck? Did it honestly just jump out and try to scare me? Like "hah, bitch! that's for misting me some days back. Laater..." and it started to head back up to the corner of the bathroom.

Well tonight was the night. I grabbed the spray bottle and shot that fucker down off the wall and sprayed him with water until he was motionless. No, I still didnt have the courage to just squash him with something. This was like one of those dramatic shooting scenes from an action movie, only with a bottle shooting a fine mist.

As I walked away, the fucker started moving again. this is a fucking terminator spider. I threw a towel on him and stomped on it. I had enough.

Now the towel is still laying on the floor in the bathroom. I did not pick it up. I'll let someone else deal with the corpse. Now, if there is nothing under there, then I swear I'm going to throw a molotov cocktail in that bathroom. Or completely re-enact 300.

Spider: This is madness!

Toni: Madness? THIS IS MY RESIDENCE!!! *flick the spider across the room*

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Whatcha makin, mom? Aww, botulism again?!

Today, I heard from the news that Castleberry is recalling over 90 products due to hospitalizations and the occurance of botulism.

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We shop for only the finest in our house.

Since I already have it in my presence, I'm wondering of all the wonderous things I could do with this lil can of colon paralysis...

My best idea so far has been that I could throw an "I apologize and lets be friends!!" party for all the people I dislike and serve hot dogs and chili....

Thursday, July 19, 2007

May I buy a very apparent vowel?

I'm in the empty bedroom, which used to be mine, and I go through some drawers I never really cleaned out. I find some really random old stuff like bad books, a magazine I took from Trading Post (greatest store ever), and this bad motherfucker.

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Oh yeah, a BIGASS Tiger Handheld of Wheel of Fortune straight outta 1995, bitches. (I also found a 1991 Bart vs. The Space Mutants handheld, but it's not as funny as this.)

So, first let me say that I used to love that thing when I was a kid. Until I played it so many times I ran outta categories. Like, you were supposed to buy new little cartridges with different answers. Well, fuck that. I was happy answering the same 50 something answers. I saved mommy and daddy some cash!

I'm trying to picture myself as an eight year old holding that massive thing. Must been the size of my head. Tiger handhelds were usually cute and portable. This thing would have to be smuggled in a tote bag or some shit...

Now I find this to be pretty funny:

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The vowel buttons are actually color coded. (Sorry for the poor phone camera quality, my real camera kicked the bucket). when I was eight, I knew what a vowel was. Is that totally necessary? Playing it yesterday, I felt kinda stupid. Like "well, my eyes seem to be completely distracted by the bright blue vowel menace on this handheld. I can't concentrate on the other letters, so screw it. I'm buyin a fuckin vowel!"

Now, here is where the funny part kicks in. This thing has been sitting in a drawer for over 10 years. I figured it would work as well as the day I bought it. Well...let's see what happens when I push the "category" button:

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Okay, so our category is "ZDI EUB AI XGEPWXGFLV" Well, I don't remember this as a child. Perhaps this is the Russian translation. Well, I attempt to carry on anyhow. Unfortunately, I did not take a picture of the answer, but it was another mess of random letters.

The next puzzle's category is PLACES. okay! Now we're getting words! So, i start playing and I'm the type that if I have a decent amount of money, I will try to buy all the vowels at once and get it over with. It's kinda silly because you can save money by guessing vowels later, but it just makes it quicker. So, I won big money on two turns and decided to buy all the vowels. But there's a problem:

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Okay, so there are no vowels in this puzzle. Not one. It's ALL consonants.

Fuck that. New puzzle.

So, i get another gibberish category and I play through, and then laugh my ass off when the answer shines through

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Okay, so Whoopi Goldberg is under the category NIFDGIOFDSGS. That's nice.

Well, after that I just put ti away to fuck itself over for another decade. Maybe it will start to tell me premonitions and tales of the oncoming peace and unity of nations and the cooperation of fellow man.

Either that or it'll throw Russian at me again.

Now I take a small bow and leave on this note - have a great weekend, everyone!

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

My Fantasy Celebrity Plane Crash. Enjoy!

In a previous blog, I mentioned my "fantasy celebrity plane crash." Well, since I have nothing to do on this boring wednesday night, I thought I'd make it complete. Feel free to make your own! (Disclaimer - I really wish no harm upon these annoying insects we call celebrities. It's all in good fun, so no bitching.)

To start things off, we need someone I hate the most to fly this fucker.

My pilot:

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Amy Lee. and I hope this plane does a nose dive because she better not limp away. I can't explain my hatred for Evanescence. Maybe it's the bad Hot Topic outfits, the exaggeration of her talent, or just the new awful pop/rock/metal scene, but she's flying this plane right into the ocean.

My co-pilot:

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Scott Stapp. I used to think he was pretty hot. A total pompous ass, but hot. Then I just grew tired of him and his band. The first album was really something to admire. Then the second one proved that Tremonti plays one riff and Stapp drinks too much. Then the third album was one worthy of chucking into traffic. But besides the bad music - after seeing his sex tape, where he announces "it's good to be the king" while getting a blowjob (in the same room as Kid Rock, which is just a weeeee bit gay), I made sure he'd ride right beside my favorite queen of the fake goth scene.

My male flight attendant:

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If you know me, you already know how much I fucking hate this man. on this fantasy plane, there will be no seatbelts for the flight attendants. and before he gets on the plane, George Carlin will kick him square in the balls. Just because he's George Carlin and he can do whatever the fuck he wants.

My female flight attendant:

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Yeah, maybe Rosie is an easy target, but if I see her tubby face one more time on the news, I'm going to buy her this plane ticket personally. I don't care about her. Stop airing her. It's annoying.

So, now that we have a tiny crew, I think it's time to list the passengers. Remember, if you see somebody you like and you think "aww, Toni, that's not cool! They're awesome!" I really don't care. Make your own fantasy plane crash and make me pilot, it'll be funny.

The passengers:

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I need not say anything.

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Not the actors, but the characters. I have no beef with Emilio Estevez.

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I can dig Rob Zombie, but somone needs to punch wifey in the face. She's pretty annoying.

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Uwe Boll is just a jerk and makes bad movies.

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Ann Coulter is a necessity to this trip to the bottom of the ocean.

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Her and Amy Lee must shop in the same store they're endorsed by.

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Anchorman was hilarious. Every movie following Anchorman that had the same exact humor as Anchorman starring Will Ferrel as Ron Burgundy in Anchorman was fucking terrible. No more bad movies. No more.

and bring your ugly friend with you.

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Napoleon Dynamite wasn't funny at all. Will and Jon have something in common - they've played out the one character they excelled in. so go away.

That's all I can think of right at the moment...

maybe I'll add a few more later.

So the plane crashes and the world is safe from bad movies, comedians, and music once again. oh and a really annoying crazy Republican.