Friday, January 18, 2008

Windows Media Player - bottle of whiskey not included.

My boyfriend is currently in San Antonio building a dark ride. Yeah, we've all done that once or twice in our lives. But anyhoo, I'm feeling a little down about not seeing him for a week now (and a week to come), so I decide to screw around online a bit and listen to some tunes to cheer me up.

So, I click open my music player and I experience the worst selection offered to a sad girl. to make this entry more interesting, let's say I'm actually conversing with said player.

Toni: Hey, MP. WHat's shakin?

MP: ah, not too much. I've got this itch that's been killin me, and my wife's a fuckin joke, lemme tell ya -

Toni: Ah, not today, man. No offense or nothing, but I need a good pick me up. Whatcha got for me on shuffle today?

MP: Oh, I got just the thing.

Toni: ....Woah, wait. what the fuck, dude?

MP: WHat?

Toni: Come on. I need to cheer up. You put on "Wave Goodbye?" What kind of shit is that? In fact, I told Steve I would avoid Chris Cornell music while he was gone. not cool, man.

MP: Shit, sorry. Okay, got somethin else for ya. Gaurunteed smiles with this one.

Toni: Oh dude. No.

MP: ...dude, are you crying?

Toni: NO! I, what the fuck? Did you really just give me Portishead?

MP: love Portishead.

Toni: yeah, but my boyfriend is thousands of miles away and you tell me Portishead's "Wandering Star" is going to cheer me up? This is bullshit. I'm turning you off now...

MP: No! Give me one more chance! I've got the sure thing to blow so much sunshine up your ass you'll be smiling on your way to a funeral.

Toni:....That's....that's terrible. But whatever, just play it.

Toni: *bust out sobbing* you fuckin asshole.

MP: WHAT?! Are you ever satisfied? does Steve put up with you?

Toni: Have you even listened to these songs?!


Toni:....what? your a fucking media player.

MP: ...I'm deaf.

Toni: .....oh. I'm sorry, dude.

MP: No, it's fine....*sigh* too late for apologies now...

Toni: No, dude. I didn't know. I just assumed that media players could..ya know, hear the shit they play.

MP: If you ever talked to me once in awhile and asked me about my problems. It's always about you. Blah blah blah, I miss Steve, play something nice. Blah blah blah, my period cramps hurt, play Nine Inch Nails. Blah blah, I'm in a freaky mood, play Tom Jones...

Toni: Oh, one time! One time I ask you to play "Sex Bomb!"

....okay, so maybe that arguement didn't happen. and the Tom Jones. and the whole conversation. But my media player did play those songs and it proved to be the most inconsiderate asshole in the world.

So, the moral of the story is I miss Steve and can't listen to sad music. I take a small bow.


Anonymous said...
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Alicia said...

duh. that was me.