I'm in the empty bedroom, which used to be mine, and I go through some drawers I never really cleaned out. I find some really random old stuff like bad books, a magazine I took from Trading Post (greatest store ever), and this bad motherfucker.
Oh yeah, a BIGASS Tiger Handheld of Wheel of Fortune straight outta 1995, bitches. (I also found a 1991 Bart vs. The Space Mutants handheld, but it's not as funny as this.)
So, first let me say that I used to love that thing when I was a kid. Until I played it so many times I ran outta categories. Like, you were supposed to buy new little cartridges with different answers. Well, fuck that. I was happy answering the same 50 something answers. I saved mommy and daddy some cash!
I'm trying to picture myself as an eight year old holding that massive thing. Must been the size of my head. Tiger handhelds were usually cute and portable. This thing would have to be smuggled in a tote bag or some shit...
Now I find this to be pretty funny:
The vowel buttons are actually color coded. (Sorry for the poor phone camera quality, my real camera kicked the bucket). when I was eight, I knew what a vowel was. Is that totally necessary? Playing it yesterday, I felt kinda stupid. Like "well, my eyes seem to be completely distracted by the bright blue vowel menace on this handheld. I can't concentrate on the other letters, so screw it. I'm buyin a fuckin vowel!"
Now, here is where the funny part kicks in. This thing has been sitting in a drawer for over 10 years. I figured it would work as well as the day I bought it. Well...let's see what happens when I push the "category" button:
Okay, so our category is "ZDI EUB AI XGEPWXGFLV" Well, I don't remember this as a child. Perhaps this is the Russian translation. Well, I attempt to carry on anyhow. Unfortunately, I did not take a picture of the answer, but it was another mess of random letters.
The next puzzle's category is PLACES. okay! Now we're getting words! So, i start playing and I'm the type that if I have a decent amount of money, I will try to buy all the vowels at once and get it over with. It's kinda silly because you can save money by guessing vowels later, but it just makes it quicker. So, I won big money on two turns and decided to buy all the vowels. But there's a problem:
Okay, so there are no vowels in this puzzle. Not one. It's ALL consonants.
Fuck that. New puzzle.
So, i get another gibberish category and I play through, and then laugh my ass off when the answer shines through
Okay, so Whoopi Goldberg is under the category NIFDGIOFDSGS. That's nice.
Well, after that I just put ti away to fuck itself over for another decade. Maybe it will start to tell me premonitions and tales of the oncoming peace and unity of nations and the cooperation of fellow man.
Either that or it'll throw Russian at me again.
Now I take a small bow and leave on this note - have a great weekend, everyone!